Today I learned that Karen Armstrong will be attending our April 24th event: Compassionate Seattle; It’s Up to Us! It is a huge honor, and one we have earned by being the first city in the world to affirm her Charter for Compassion. We won’t stop there; she has inspired us to implement a 10-year compassionate cities campaign. Many other cities are following Seattle’s footsteps, some in our state, and some as far away and tumultuous as Lahore, Pakistan.

I first learned about Karen Armstrong from TED (Technology, Entertainment and Design – ideas worth spreading.) Every time I listen to a TED talk, I feel grateful, hopeful and smarter. I feel grateful because there are extremely talented and creative people sharing their insights with us; I feel hopeful because most of them are turning their brilliance into something that benefits the world which reinforces the notion that people are basically good; and I feel smarter and more confident because if they can do it, the rest of us who are made up of the same basic ingredients, can also rise to such brilliance, especially when we are inspired by people like Karen.

In her talk, she said, “When people implement the Golden Rule all day every day, you de-throne yourself from the center of your world, put another there & you transcend yourself.” I love the notion of de-throning the self, particularly in our Western culture where leading with ego is an acceptable norm. Since leaving Microsoft eight years ago and reading Eckart Tolle’s book A New Earth, I’m very mindful of my ego and try to lasso her before she causes harm to myself or others. Leading with ego might seem necessary for survival in some work environments, but I personally think those models are outdated.

In today’s human reality, a true, authentic leader is juiced by something far more sustainable and fun to be around than the predictable, likely insecure and wounded ego. Call it spirit, call it heart, your higher self, creator, whatever works for you. It has many names, but to me, real leadership comes from being de-throned every now and again. Real leadership comes from putting the  other first and empowering them to be part of co-creating the solutions. You can see it in the humble, yet powerful leadership style of Karen Armstrong who says she will devote the rest of her life to this mission, but she isn’t trying to do it alone. She found partners to co-create the charter with her and she involved religious leaders from across all beliefs in the solution. That is leadership. That is brilliance that will change the world. There is no room for the ego in her modern incarnation of the Golden Rule.  I hope you will also sign up to support the Charter for Compassion. It’s a wish worth granting to our world.

I won’t give away their thunder, since Andrea Cohen & Susan Partnow instruct these classes for a living, but here are a few highlights that I appreciated:

1) When we listen, it’s helpful to distinguish between facts, feelings and values. There are  facts to every story, the underlying feelings and underneath that are the values. First we need to listen without judgment. They call this “developing the fair witness.”  When we do this, we can often find a commonality with the speaker, even if we don’t agree with the person’s perspective. When we listen for and identify common values, we can be more empathetic to a person even when we are in conflict. The end result? More connection to the human being and a lesser likelihood that any conflict will escalate.

2) A bit about human needs and conflict: “Conflicts recycle, often in another form, if the basic underlying needs are not addressed.”  “Follow each conflict to its source. The sources of interpersonal conflicts are often unmet inner needs, competition for limited resources, and/or conflicts of values.”  These are two of many basic principles of the Compassionate Listening Project. They remind me of Marshall Rosenberg’s pivotal work in Nonviolent Communication. Let’s face it, we have basic needs. If we aren’t able to identify what we are lacking, we pick fights like little kids even in our workplace to get what we need: love, respect, connection, autonomy, etc. What a world we would have if we could really be honest with ourselves, get underneath the needs we have that aren’t being met BEFORE we act out expecting someone outside of ourselves to know what we need, let alone try to fulfill our needs. On a larger scale, this is how wars start.

3) Respect self and others: I really appreciated the exercises we did in this segment. There’s a habit many of us get into when listening to others; we want to fix their problem. If I’m rescuing someone, I’m basically saying that I don’t respect that she can do it for herself. Oy! This is often called the rescue triangle. As soon as you create this rescue triangle scenario in your head, you are creating a perpetrator, a victim & then you, the ever-ready, caped hero/rescuer. Yuck! I’ve done this. It’s ego-based and there’s no room for it in true compassionate listening where you listen in such a way that the speaker is empowered to solve their own problem.

4) Listen with the heart and speak from the heart. This is where our true compassion lives. If you can’t access compassion, go to gratitude. Gratitude is like kerosene for compassion igniting that fire in our hearts. There’s a whole host of work and research that has been done on the electromagnetic forces of the heart. Check out Heartmath.org.  Believe me, it’s more compelling than being a cerebral listener (yawn), and, by the way, it helps your own human needs get met.

There were many other jewels that I took from the weekend, but those are a few highlights. I encourage you to check out The Compassionate Listening Project. We can ALWAYS learn how to communicate and especially listen with a more trained and compassionate ear.

This event marks the two-year anniversary of Seeds of Compassion, which was the largest event in the history of Washington State. Seattle made history again by being the first city in the world to affirm Karen Armstrong’s Charter for Compassion and to commit to the ten-year campaign for compassionate cities.

Note: We just learned that Karen Armstrong will be joining us for this event!

Date: April 24, 2010

Main Event: 9am – 5pm: Compassion Showcase and Exchange

Evening Celebration and Performance: 5 – 8 pm

Location: Center for Spiritual Living: 5801 Sand Point Way NE, Seattle, WA 98105

For More information: Read the full announcement

Tickets: Available through Brown Paper Tickets

I hope you can join us as we join together to increase compassion in our homes, schools, businesses and community.

Personally and professionally, I’ve been feeling a compulsion to work on the “Peace Movement” for about five years. There are irrefutable signs that I am meant to devote my time and creatively think of ways for us to manifest a more peaceful world. I won’t go into the visions I receive while meditating, because that is part of what contributes to peace not being taken seriously, but when I follow “the signs,” they lead me to extraordinary places and people. For example, in 2006 I followed the signs to present at a conference in New Delhi on Volunteering for Peace in Multi-Cultural Societies. While in India, I had several chance encounters with His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. You don’t just “run into” the Dalai Lama in India, by the way. Exactly one year later I was recruited to be on the team to bring the Dalai Lama (the ultimate peacemaker, in my opinion) to Seattle for the largest event in Washington State’s history. This, in turn, has contributed to the largest compassion movement the world has ever seen, and thanks to Karen Armstrong’s Charter for Compassion, it’s only going to get larger.

Suffice it to say, with the signs I receive, working on peace and compassion is not optional for me. It is something I can’t NOT do. It would be like James Bond not accepting the mission, even if he wasn’t sure who sent the message or why. I’m sure the message would not self-destruct (that would not be peaceful), but I would probably self-destruct if I didn’t play this mission all the way out. This is one of the reasons I chose to work for GlobalMojo. Through our social enterprise, we can provide a sustainable funding stream to great organizations that are reducing violence in our country and in our world.

But all “signs” aside, I have to admit that the word “peace” itself really aggravates me.  Not because it’s inaccurate, but because of the reaction it evokes in people who think it’s weak.  In March of 2007 and again in March of 2009, I attended a conference for The Peace Alliance in Washington DC. Both times I had the opportunity to pitch a bill to our nation’s political elites trying to convince them to create a United States Department of Peace. I would state the case – the World Health Organization says we spend $300 billion a year  on our violence issues in the United States; add the cost to victims ($500 billion) and you come up with 10% of the United States’ Gross Domestic Product. Yes, this is why the U.S. is number 83 on the Global Peace Index.  Heads nod in agreement when you talk about the need to fund more programs that are reducing violence in our country, but try to invoke the concept of a new Department of Peace and the lips of  politicians pucker.

If peace is such a pansy word then we need a new solution.  Here are just two options:

1) We need to re-brand peace, which quite frankly, I don’t have the time or patience or pro-bono branding agency to do; or

2) We need to surround the word peace with something our politicians are comfortable supporting, something militaristic and action-oriented that can take the pucker out of peace, put the man back in manners and embrace the ass in compassion.

I’m going for door number 2.

I’m starting a Covert Peace Operation. I’m going to take a page out of Charlie Wilson’s War, and simply walk through the back door of the federal government, and re-arrange the budget with the informed insiders who are probably as interested as I am in giving money to the nonviolence programs in our country, which are already proven to be working. That’s the irony; we actually know how to “do peace.” We have programs in prisons that reduce recidivism rates and programs in schools that stop gang violence. By the way, somewhere close to 50% of our kids don’t go to school from time to time because they are scared of gangs and of the brutal bullying we’ve taught our children. Unfortunately, bullying is not limited to schools; we also find it in courtrooms and corporate boardrooms – ah yes, the playground has grown, but the players have not grown up!  Speaking of corporations, perhaps if we illustrate that peace is profitable, we’d have more corporations like Ben and Jerry’s and GlobalMojo willing to overtly fund it philanthropically. Here’s just one example of a return on a peaceful portfolio: The Violence Against Women Act cost $1.6 billion to implement, but provided a $14.8 billion return!

Yes, we in the United States actually know how to do peace.  We just can’t call it that. So, I’m starting a Covert Peace Operation. Nobody (except those on the inside) will know it’s happening, and nobody, except for everybody in our country will benefit!

Stay tuned for progress reports…

Peace out!

Yesterday I completed my commitment to forty days of consecutive meditation and yoga. I was inspired by a woman from Boise Idaho who started Winter Feast for the Soul. I wanted to jump-start my spiritual practice, and I knew I would have a higher success rate if i joined 10,000 other people around the world who had also made the commitment. I threw yoga in for “fun”. I thought – how hard could it possibly be to get really conscious every day? I posted my goal on my Facebook page for accountability and support.

The type of meditation I practice is called Vipassana, which is a fancy word for mindfulness meditation. This is essentially the practice of being an observer of yourself, your mind and your actions without judgment, but with complete neutrality and acceptance. The type of yoga I do is typically Bikram Yoga in a room over 100 degrees. Think Gumby in a lulu lemon outfit!

I don’t own a television and pride myself on not putting junk into my body or mind (all that often, anyway.) However, this 40-day commitment to mindfulness pushed every resistance button in my body. I realized on day 3 how much the monkey-mind/ego takes over directing thoughts, and keeps us from just being neutral. Complete stories will be crafted by the mind if left un-checked. So, I checked mine into a mental hospital! Actually, I asked for help. I prayed (more like begged) for neutrality and a peaceful mind. One fine morning, it actually happened, complete bliss. No thoughts, no judgments, just bliss for a very few precious moments. Thank God, literally, because after being out of practice for a while, I needed to know it was possible again. I needed a sign.

In the 40-day window, some extraordinary things (not all good) happened.

Letting go of attachment: First of all, I decided to put my beautiful floating home on the market. It’s a wonderful place, but it’s a skin I’ve outgrown after living here for 12 years. I felt like it no longer gave me room to grow and, therefore, might actually be holding me back. This was not a new thought, it just persisted more this time (perhaps because I was meditating every day, giving those thoughts room to expand and direct my spirit).  Instead of preparing my house to sell, I prepared my house for the next owner.  It was a subtle, but important distinction. I took care to enhance the nurturing qualities of the home and fix what I could. I hoped that a potential new owner would feel how the houseboat literally hugs you when you walk in the door. It’s a sanctuary in the city and I’ve always loved it here. With the conscious choice to let go, the house went on the market on February 19th. I received an offer on February 20th. Yes, in one day and in this economy. The power of intention and attention was palpable. The woman who is buying my home is exactly my age and fell in love with it, just as I did 12 years ago. I feel very good handing the baton of responsibility for this sanctuary over to her to cherish for as long as she needs it.

Saying goodbye: The second thing that happened was a terrible tragedy among our floating home community. We lost a dear friend and her 3-month old baby, both within a 12-hour period. There still aren’t words to describe the emotional loss that all of us feel. The only “good” that can be found in a situation like this was the community that stepped forward to help those left behind. Hearts emerged to start the grieving; hands emerged to get things done. Time to heal is all that we have left.

Added to these physical and emotional transitions were all the earthquakes and unhealthy healthcare debates, and a general state of unrest. I wanted desperately to abandon my commitment to daily meditation and yoga, and I certainly had good excuses that anyone would understand. But, I stopped to think about that. What is it in us that wants to go unconscious when things get painful? Why is it we want to unplug, numb out and eat poorly when it’s the most important time of all to be conscious, feel the pain, and share our common humanity? I know intellectually that if I feel it, it will pass through me like a cloud passing overhead. It will revisit, but each time it won’t stay quite as long. I know this intellectually, but what kept me going was the emotional support from my friends on Facebook, my accountability team who said “you can do it” even when I didn’t think I could, or more accurately, when I just didn’t want to. I would walk into meetings at work and people following my status updates would say, “It’s day 18 today, isn’t it? How’s it going?” Wow. People were paying attention and cared about my progress. It inspired them to start their own program and gave them confidence that they could, so I couldn’t possibly quit.

Each day that I kept doing yoga and meditation felt like I was making a statement that “no, I will not go unconscious.” Too many people are unconscious which is why we have such a mess to clean up in our country.  Sometimes I cried in the middle of yoga, grieving for my lost friend and her husband left behind.  Some days, after yoga and meditation, I allowed myself to go unconscious. I started watching episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and Desperate Housewives (gasp!) on Hulu.com at night while I carbo-loaded on cereal.  I had to be okay with allowing this, resist the judgment, but keep the awareness. This is not WHO I am. This is WHAT I’m doing, in this moment, to avoid feeling. The avoidance of pain and conflict is a primal instinct, and sometimes we just have to let the primate win. And then begin again tomorrow, hoping the adult, wise, emotionally intelligent self will be back in the driver’s seat.

At the end of the experiment, I meditated 39 days out of 40. It’s actually good I didn’t complete all 40. It keeps my “perfectionista” in check. She’s based in ego, but my soul is driving the bus now, thank you very much. Her fuel is daily meditation, writing, yoga, emotional connection with friends when we are in pain and when we aren’t. She’s fed by doing work that matters in the world, expansion, expression, letting go of the old even if it’s uncomfortable. She heals by feeling the deep, incredible loss of a friend and then moving forward even when momentum feels nearly impossible.

Going unconscious is easy; we have created a world of consumption that has dumbed us down and numbed us out. Doing the work to stay awake and emotionally connected in this world is hard, especially when there is so much tragedy and so many distractions. That’s what we are here to do, and we are so much stronger when we do it in community.

With love and respect to those in transition, and those learning to hear and honor their souls, and with gratitude to Facebook, the surprising source of support I received literally and virtually every day.

Seattle is, once again, on the cutting edge of compassion, giving us more opportunities to choose how we want to lead in the world. Thanks to my friend Jon Ramer, Executive Director of the Compassionate Action Network, we have an opportunity to declare Seattle a compassionate city. Using very cool technology called The Point, if at least 1,000 people sign up by March 15, 2010, then the city of Seattle will affirm Karen Armstrong’s Charter for Compassion and, we the people, will commit to hours and/or dollars to public service. Note: There will be an event in April to connect to those organizations that are doing a great job of increasing compassion in the world. Stay tuned!

Objective: A 10 year commitment to Compassionate Action facilitated by city government and its citizens.

Your mission: Sign up on The Point. Commit to making Seattle a more compassionate city. It’s pretty easy actually. Just commit.

Outcome: A more *conscious and compassionate city. Who doesn’t want that?

Join us!

* We all know a city can’t be conscious or compassionate, so don’t ride me on semantics please (it wouldn’t be compassionate!) The citizens and their actions are what make up the heart and soul of a city. Thanks for doing your part.

Edelman coined the phrase “Mutual Social Responsibility” which means in their words: “People, companies and brands acting together to effect positive social change for mutual benefit.” I have a friend who calls this a virtuous circle. I like it. A lot.

Some highlights quoted directly from the 2009 report:

• For companies and brands, doing good and making money can go hand-in-hand, as 61% of people have bought a brand that supports a good cause even if it wasn’t the cheapest
• 64% of people say they would recommend a brand that supports a good cause
• 59% would help a brand promote its products if there was a good cause behind it
• 58% choose to buy brands that support good causes because they cannot financially support good causes on their own
• When choosing between two brands that are the same in quality and price, 43% are more interested in the social purpose of a corporation or brand than design or innovation (34%) and brand loyalty (24%)
• Despite the recession, people are turning to companies, organizations and brands linked to a social purpose as a way to contribute their own resources, both time and money, to help solve social challenges

Any my favorite part from the report: We have shifted from the age of immediate gratification to the age of immediate justification. 83% of respondents are willing to change consumption habits if it can help make the world a better place to live, indicating a trend away from traditional social status symbols like luxury goods in favor of brands with a social purpose. People around the world are now wearing, driving, eating and living their social purpose!

Shameless plug: This research fully supports the notion that people will choose to Browse with Purpose using GlobalMojo, the only charitable web browser on the market today that generates ongoing revenue (50% of gross) to the nonprofits and schools of our consumers’ choice. If this appeals to you, check out GlobalMojo. End commercial interruption.

Fantastic report by Edelman. I encourage you to review it and spread the goodpurpose news!